LIFE......

I feel that it's time for me to finally write about my "life experiences" in the last two years.   It has been a ride I never thought I would be on at all.  My husband, at the time, decided he needed "space" so he moved out.  It was such a struggle for me as a person to realize it wasn't me, it was his choice, his free agency.  I was shocked, hurt, devastated...so many more emotions flowed through me on a daily basis that I can't even write them all.  My heart was broken and I had nowhere to turn.  I struggled with the church because a Heavenly Father that could let me go through such pain was really hard to believe.  Also the "happy" families at church were hard to see.  I went though a trial of my faith.  I would go to church at least once a month but because I needed to do my calling.  Not because I wanted to be there.  I struggled with prayer, quit scripture reading and totally wanted to go to a bar and drink myself into oblivion.  I never did.  I realized that would make things a million times worse.  I cried myself to sleep for at least two months+.  Yes, I can admit it, I needed anti-depressants because of all the bad emotional things flowing through me.  Not feeling good enough, not feeling pretty enough, not feeling strong enough.  The emotional roller coaster I was on took a toll on my mind and body.  I realized that I needed to go to the gym, first to just look amazing, now it's just for my own well being.  I started slowing to read scriptures again, to do digging into the gospel and realize how much Heavenly Father really loves me as an individual and how much I am needed.  I now know that angels were carrying me during my rough times and I just didn't want to acknowledge it then.  I feel extremely blessed for the handful of friends and family that would call or listen to me when I needed someone to talk to and to talk back bluntly.  I love those women so much.  Thank you Marianne, Melissa, Kristie, Mom and Sonja.  You all have made my struggles lighter with an ear to listen.  I am so blessed to have you amazing women in my life.  Yes, the lord knows I stubborn and sometimes have to be taught a lesson in order to learn but I am glad that I recognize that in myself and know I'm stubborn.  I wouldn't change the past almost two years in my life one ounce.  I have grown as an individual like I never would have if it didn't happen.  The lord has blessed me and I am so glad to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I love the gospel.  So to the "life experiences" I have had, I say "Whoo Hoo"! That portion is over and more to come...my daughter is a teenager.